Nothing is like it seems
by Dion
Summary: EDITED Season 4: Spike returns to Sunnydale to kill Buffy for good but things do not go as planned. Spike's whole world changes. Can he cope? BS; First story ever, please R
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Summary:  
  
Season 4: Spike wants to kill Buffy for good but things do not go as planned. In this story, Spike is not chipped, he has just returned to Sunnydale and Buffy has not met Parker. There is no initiative.  
  
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This is my first story ever. Please let me know what you think and do not be too harsh. Criticism is welcome as long as it is constructive.  
  
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Sunnydale, December 2000  
  
The emotional pain was still there, the physical pain could not block it out as Spike had hoped.  
  
But he was beyond caring. He knew he was in his crypt, but somehow his spirit was ready to move on and he stopped acknowledging his surroundings.  
  
Nothing seemed real anymore. Everything, including the past hundred odd years seemed nothing but a very strange and fucked up dream.  
  
How could it have been real? Vampires, slayers, demons, . and that was just the beginning. Maybe he was about to die and somehow his mind had concocted this strange world in his last few seconds??? It just could not be real. It just couldn't.  
  
What he had done, what he was, had to be some sort of terrible nightmare and he was about to wake up.  
  
He felt as if he was above this world. Not literally but it felt as if he knew what was going on. He hoped that it would be alright. But he was not entirely sure.  
  
His vision of the crypt was blurry; he stopped feeling the cold stone he was sitting on. Too much blood loss.  
  
How long can a vampire sustain without the blood needed to live?  
  
What would happen?  
  
Would he simply dust or would he be forever imprisoned in his own body? He didn't care either way as long as he would lose consciousness and never gain it again.  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Summary:  
  
Season 4: Spike wants to kill Buffy for good but things do not go as planned. In this story, Spike is not chipped, he has just returned to Sunnydale and Buffy has not met Parker. There is no initiative.  
  
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Sunnydale, November 2000  
  
The scent of the dancing humans heightened his bloodlust and deep seething hate. But it did not only remind him of his eternal thirst for blood but also of his reason for being in Sunnydale.  
  
Revenge.  
  
For a split second, shimmering amber eyes flashed dangerously with an evil supernatural radiance. Pure terror would have seized any of the oblivious people had they looked into his eyes sensing the demonic presence. But the loud music and flashing lights that assaulted his sharp senses concealed the malicious eyes and its demonic visage.  
  
He was studying them from the gallery overlooking the dancefloor, thinking who would be his victim tonight. Envisaging pursuing one these humans caused adrenaline to course through his veins. He was on the prowl. An evil grin flashed across his face thinking of the coppery taste of warm blood flowing down his throat, stilling his insatiable hunger for blood. He enjoyed the hunt. It made his existence more interesting and most of all bearable. Being immortal could get very dull. He would usually play with them in the same way a cat played with a mouse just before it killed it. Giving them the feeling that they might survive only to take their life when they were least expecting it. The fear in the eyes of his prey amused him. But most importantly, their fear made their blood taste much better. After feeding on a human he had hunted he felt drunk and almost giddy for a few seconds. It was like a drug for him. He could not imagine living without the hunt. All things considered his kind were predators and he could not change who he was.  
  
Suddenly he spotted among the crowd of people a familiar face. Forgotten was his desire to hunt and feed. Sheer loathing replaced all former thoughts and feelings. He watched the slim, small girl dancing. Her blond hair was shining brightly whenever a light beam shone on her. He could hardly believe that this little girl was his mortal enemy. She looked so slim and fragile. Moreover, she was the only mortal that could actually take him on and was keen to do so. She was alone on the dancefloor. Her friends, the redhead and the boy were at the bar talking to a blond girl and another bloke. He smirked. That bitch would pay for what she had done to him. Not only had she ruined all his plans and put him in a wheelchair but because of her Drusilla, the love of his life, had left him. Everything had been fine before the bitch had shagged the soul out of Angel, his grandsire. Without his soul, Angel had reverted back to his former evil self Angelus and had stolen Drusilla from him. Although Angel's soul had been restored just before he got sucked into a hell dimension, Drusilla had never wanted him back and had run away with a Chaos demon. He glared down at the blond girl. He had not expected to run into her tonight. He had done his homework and knew she went to Sunnydale University. It was a Wednesday and she had to go to classes tomorrow morning. But he should have known. Students. They never went to lectures anyway. Tough for her that she had gone out dancing. She would pay. Tonight. He was going to drain her. That should get him even more respect in the demon world. She would be his third slayer. He did not know whether any vampire had ever killed three slayers before.  
  
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Buffy had her eyes closed and danced to the music. It felt great to be out dancing. University was just way too boring. All of a sudden somebody's hands encircled her waist and pulled her closer. Aghast she immediately opened her eyes and found herself face to face with Spike. A feeling of aversion washed over her and instantly she attempted to pull away from him. But Spike's grip was like iron and she could not wrestle out of it.  
  
Spike sneered at her, leaned forward and whispered into her ear: "I would not do that if I were you. See those two blonde girls standing next to your friends? Make one wrong move and they will break your mates' necks. Be nice and play along. Smile, pet."  
  
In truth Spike had never seen the girls before but Buffy did not know that and his little lie would work for the moment.  
  
"How dare you threaten my friends! If anything happens to them I will hunt you down and make sure that you will die slowly and painfully. And I'm not your pet, Spike. Where do you get these words from? I met English people before but they don't all talk like that. Oh, I get it. I know what your big evil plan is. You are trying to annoy me to death.", Buffy stated sarcastically.  
  
"Why are you here? I thought I told you to leave and never come back. By the way, where is Drusilla? Did you get that skanky whore back?", she asked.  
  
Spike glared hatefully at her: "That's none of your business, slayer. You little bitch, you have foiled all my plans, ruined my life and now I will finally kill you. You are the reason Drusilla left me!"  
  
"I have messed up you life?! You are dead and that means you don't have a life. Anyway, you were the one who came to Sunnydale to kill me. You tried to mess up my life! As for Drusilla, why am I the reason she left you? Maybe the crazy whore left you cause you weren't vampire enough to kill your third slayer? Poor Spikey!", Buffy exclaimed.  
  
Spike was left speechless. Buffy's taunts had hit a sore point. He did not understand why Drusilla had left him himself. She had said something about the slayer being all over him. Her exact words had escaped him. It was probably something he could not understand anyway. After all, she was crazy. However, every time he contemplated the significance of her words he felt depressed. Somewhere deep inside he knew the meaning but he just could not put his finger on it.  
  
Buffy scrutinised his face. Momentarily he looked actually sad. Wiped of was his smirk; his features were relaxed. For the first time ever she thought that he was actually quite handsome. His features were defined and looked a bit aristocratic. Usually, his face had always been contorted into his demon mask and she had not seen his human face very often. Whenever she had seen it he had stared at her with hatred and disgust or had just sneered at her. Furthermore, as the club was very crowded and Spike's body was tightly pressed against hers she became aware of how strong and muscular his upper body and arms were. Of course she had noticed before how well-built his body was but she had only noted that because she had been fighting him. His silence baffled her and she simply continued dancing with him. The feeling of his strong arms holding her made her rest her head spontaneously on his shoulder. She nearly lost herself in his embrace.  
  
All of a sudden Willow was standing behind Spike looking directly into her eyes. The incredulous and stunned look on Willow's face seeing her dancing with Spike snapped her out of her daze. She pushed Spike off her and mouthed: "Outside. Now."  
  
Spike stared at her with a confused expression, but when he noticed Willow standing next to her a grin spread across his face. Slowly he pulled out a cigarette, put it into his mouth and lit it. He took a deep drag and blew the smoke directly into Buffy's face causing her to have a coughing fit: "When I have finished my fag."  
  
TBC  
  
Please review. I am open to criticism as long as it is constructive. Thanks. 


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
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A chill ran down Buffy's spine. She would never have admitted it but she was terrified. Spike was not dumb. He had already killed two slayers. Two. He was a killer. He thrived in the kill.  
  
The alley behind the Bronze was deserted. Sunnydale's residents knew better by now then to walk at night through empty side roads.  
  
Buffy looked up into the sky. It was a beautiful night. Although it was November, the air was warm and the sky was starry. Her yearning for a normal life and a normal boyfriend came back full force. It would be so nice to watch the stars together on a night like this. So romantic. But no, she had to fight an evil and supremely annoying vampire. Stupid calling.  
  
She hated his arrogance and she especially hated his smirk. Once she had him finished off she would throw a huge party. She could hardly wait. He was the only demon that she had not managed to kill or defeat.  
  
How dare he just smirk at her and light a cigarette? She had wanted to fight right then and there. But he had made it unmistakably clear that he would not oblige her in any way.  
  
Arrogant, self-confident, annoying, sexy vampire. Sexy? Where had that thought come from? Oh god! She had felt something when they had been dancing. Little butterflies in her stomach. A tingly feeling spreading from her stomach all over her body, giving off waves of happiness.  
  
For a split second she had felt safe in his arms. As if it was meant to be. What was meant to be? Why had she felt that way? Why had she thought of him as sexy? Well, he did have a nice body and somehow she could see how he was very handsome in that bad boy way.  
  
But he was a vampire. So, way gross to even think something like that. Evil un-dead, remember? Evil un-dead with a six-pack.  
  
She had to stop thinking like that. She was supposed to kill him. Stake his ass for good and then there will be no more thoughts like that. Nobody would ever know she had had them.  
  
If he just knew what she had been thinking he would laugh himself silly before trying to kill her. She knew he wanted to kill her. He had told her so. So why did she have these thoughts? Romantic feelings for a serial killer who had told her she would be next on his list!? She must be going insane.  
  
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Spike was leaning against the bar in the Bronze.  
  
What the fuck had that been all about? Why had he been holding her like that? Why had it been a comfortable feeling?  
  
She had put her head on his shoulder and he had liked it. Liked it!  
  
Why had she put her head on his shoulder in the first place?  
  
Little bitch was trying to wind him up. How much booze had he had so far? Probably way too much. He did feel a bit woozy. Great, now he was pissed and had to fight the slayer. He was so bloody stupid. At least it had been the drinks that had made him feel like that. Anyway, he was not wankered and that meant he could still fight the slayer and kill that bint. Once and for all.  
  
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Buffy was so lost in thought that she did not hear Spike approaching.  
  
Spike watched her in bewilderment. She looked sad and yet so beautiful at the same time. Her blond hair reflected the moonlight and gave her an otherworldly glow.  
  
Unexpectedly, he wondered what she might be thinking. She was so young. It must be difficult to be a slayer. Spike kicked himself mentally. What was he thinking again? What was it with these fuzzy feelings? He was evil. He had had definitely one too many.  
  
Concentrating on his reasons for being in this alley he sensed the old hatred welling up inside him, building up and finally taking over his spirit.  
  
His demon surged forward and he spat venomously: "Slayer. Let's bring it on. Ready to die?"  
  
Buffy turned around and saw Spike standing in the middle of the alley.  
  
Gone were the conflicting and strange emotions she had been experiencing.  
  
He looked truly frightening. Although she had seen his game face many times, the determination and loathing that radiated from him at this instant caused her to shiver involuntarily.  
  
His black clothes contrasted with his blond hair and pale skin and even without him showing his demon visage he would have come across as a creature of the night. Enraged yellow eyes flashed at her, challenging and threatening her at the same time. One look into these eyes told her that nothing good was inside this creature. The only thing that would come from this disgusting and vile monster would be destruction, death and pain. She was ready to fight.  
  
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He immediately charged at her and kicked her into the stomach. She doubled over in pain and pulled out her stake. The fight had started. Both of them believed it to be a fight till the end and therefore each gave everything to win the upper hand. Exhaustion was gripping both Buffy and Spike but somehow Spike's vampiric nature weakened less under the exertion of their mortal fight.  
  
At one point, Buffy came very close to staking him but in some way Spike managed to step out of her way and twisted her arm that was holding the stake onto her back. She felt a sharp pain in her hand and realized that he had wrenched her hand at such an awkward angle that she had sprained her wrist in the process. She let out a small scream. The stake slid out of her hand. Her obvious pain told Spike that he was winning. Encouraged he continued to cause her even more harm by smashing her back and head against a wall. Buffy whimpered slightly. Spike smirked and used his body to push her even further against the wall. His whole weight and strength was pressing against her making it impossible for her to move. Her sprained arm was in between the wall and her body. Every time Spike pushed her closer towards the wall, he also injured her arm a bit more.  
  
His yellow eyes were sparkling dangerously and a deep growl emerged from his throat. Pure terror gripped Buffy and paralyzed her when she noticed that his face was only one inch away from hers. He had won, she was going to die.  
  
Whilst he moved her head to expose her neck his other hand was holding her free wrist with an iron grip leaving Buffy powerless.  
  
He bent his head to bite her neck but suddenly felt unable to actually bite her. Biting her would be the point of no return; the irreversibility of his actions caused him to hesitate. Instead of biting he started tickling her neck with his tongue.  
  
Buffy felt his tongue licking her main artery sensually and slowly. Somehow she was mesmerized by the movement of his tongue and strangely she noticed how she began to relax. Alarmed by her realization that she was falling under the spell of a vampire, she pulled herself back into reality and used her last strength to struggle against Spike's grasp.  
  
Immediately, Spike stopped licking her throat. For a second he froze, wondering what he had been doing. He had returned to Sunnydale to kill the slayer and all he was doing was letting her off all the time because, well, he did not know the reason. All of a sudden he recognized the strange nagging in his stomach as fuzzy feelings for her. He was evil for fuck's sake! Demon love was not romantic or tender; it was only obsessive, passionate and selfish.  
  
But when he looked into Buffy's eyes he felt captured by her beauty and strength. Nothing seemed to matter anymore; he blocked out his surroundings and his reason for being there. All that counted was the radiance that shone from Buffy's eyes. She looked him into his eyes; an expression of bewilderment playing on her features.  
  
Spike could not control himself any longer and crushed his lips onto hers, kissing her with passion he had not experienced in a long time. Still in game face his sharp fangs injured her lips. The sweet and coppery taste of her powerful blood caused him to deepen his kiss.  
  
Buffy's initial reaction was to try to push him away from her. But for reasons she could not possibly explain she enjoyed the feeling of his cool tongue in her mouth. She liked the feeling of his muscular body pressed against her and of his strong arms holding her. It awoke physical sensations in her that she had almost forgotten. Once her shock and surprise had subsided she returned the kiss with an equal intensity and fervor.  
  
Spike had not expected her to kiss him back and completely astonished he paused and stared at her.  
  
Green eyes met yellow eyes. Her gaze seemed to ask him why he had stopped. His demon face melted away and he bent his head for a second kiss. This time, he kissed her more affectionately, more humanlike.  
  
Buffy did not comprehend what was happening. Spike had won their fight and had been about to kill his third slayer and then, completely out of the blue, he started kissing her. And the worst was that she liked it. The way his kisses made her feel was inconceivable to her. Panic gripped her and in the middle of their second kiss she broke away.  
  
Spike simply looked at her, panic, shock and terror written all over his face. Kissing her had awoken emotions in him that he had not known he even possessed. Clear thinking eluded him and he relaxed his grip on Buffy even further.  
  
Buffy immediately pushed him to the side and fled leaving a very confused vampire behind.  
  
TBC 


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Thank you everybody for your reviews and please keep them coming. Sorry I haven't updated for so long but with Christmas and New Year's Eve I was just too busy to write.  
  
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"There used to be two as one but somehow time separated them. That is why everyone is searching for the other half."  
  
The words echoed in Buffy's head repeating themselves over and over like a tune one could not forget. She did not know what they meant but somehow she felt that this was some ancient, universal knowledge that she and the rest of the world had somehow forgotten.  
  
She had dreamt them. But the dream itself had even been stranger. Nothing had happened in her dream; all she could remember was that she was whole. Wholeness and some kind of blue-ish ether that was simply everywhere. But where was everywhere? The space seemed to stretch forever but yet it seemed to have no dimension at all. Just existence. She was not even sure that it had been blue, it had just felt calm, peaceful and full of simple happiness. It felt like a memory of how things were right at the beginning and actually were supposed to be.  
  
The strangest and most disconcerting element of the dream was that she associated it with one person.  
  
"Spike."  
  
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The coppery taste of blood flowed down his throat. The heartbeat of the man he was holding was getting weaker by the second. The man's blood was injected with adrenaline. It invigorated him and put him into the state of complete elation he was craving.  
  
Suddenly he felt something hard hit his head. The pain was enough distraction for him to let the lifeless body of the man slump to the floor. He didn't care about the last drops of blood that were left in that man. But he did care for some more fresh blood.  
  
The "happy meal" that had hit him was one of the local 24/7 shop owners, a slimy bloke of about 35 years. He was slightly overweight, was wearing dirty grey pants and a filthy white vest stained with the leftovers of at least his last five meals. Long, wiry hair grew on his exposed chubby upper arms. His dark hair was slicked back with some sort of styling product and held together in a tiny ponytail. In his hand he was holding a baseball bat.  
  
When he saw the vampire's distorted face and yellow demonic eyes he took a few steps backwards, his small, rat-like eyes nearly bulged out of its sockets and pearls of sweat began to form on his forehead.  
  
But instead of being frightened to death the grimy man became even more enraged. He squinted his eyes as if trying to focus a bit more on a target. Gripping the baseball bat even tighter he yelled with a slightly shaky voice: "What the fuck are you? I am going to show you freaks what happens when you come into my area and scare off the customers."  
  
To a vampire's enhanced sense of smell the stench, a mixture of sweat, alcohol and food, that emanated from the man was unbearable.  
  
It took Spike only a second to reach to man. Without even a pang of conscience Spike snapped the man's neck and cursed the fact that he had to look for another victim.  
  
Suddenly he felt the presence of the Slayer.  
  
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"Buffy? Are you ok? What about Spike?," Willow asked.  
  
Buffy had not noticed that she had spoken his name out loud. Willow was staring at her with a worried expression.  
  
"I had this really weird dream. It could have been a Slayer dream," Buffy replied., "But I don't know. I just know that it was about fang-face but I can't remember what it was about. Guess he has been on my mind since our last fight. I can't wait to finish him off."  
  
She had not told Willow the full truth. The feelings the dream had evoked in her were not the usual ones Spike would provoke in her but the complete opposite. Being loved. It had felt so good and right. Usually dreams were foreshadowing apocalypses and afterwards she would feel terrified. But the words "good" and "right" were completely incompatible with Spike. Moreover, she just could not stop thinking about their kisses. How could something so wrong feel so right? Nobody could ever find out. After the episode with Angel they would only judge her. And they had every right to do so.  
  
Killing Spike was the only alternative she had. It was the wisest choice. Thinking of the kisses would make things only worse. After all, he was a vampire and therefore dangerous. She had to kill him. It. She had to kill it. It was not human but merely a demon inhabiting an empty body. Soulless, without human emotions. It's raison d'être was feeding on blood.  
  
It had been a week since their last encounter and her arm had fully healed. There was no reason not to go out looking for him. God knows how many people he had killed. Although Giles and her friends had been patrolling they had not come across Spike and had only dusted some inexperienced fledglings. Buffy felt relieved that they had not run into Spike. He was so much stronger then they were and it would have been easy for him to kill them.  
  
Time to go slaying.  
  
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"Slayer", Spike spat maliciously, his face melting into its human form, "How is your arm? Fit to fight? I surely hope so, otherwise killing you won't be any fun. No challenge."  
  
"Did you just kill that poor man for no reason?", Buffy asked.  
  
Spike smirked and replied in a voice that conveyed his utter disgust: "Do you really think I would have fed off him? Can't you smell him? I got some kind of self respect."  
  
"You? Self respect? Just look at you! Your outfit is so last season. Or should I say last two decades? You look so pathetic."  
  
"What! You don't even know what you are talking about, Slayer. That outfit is timeless."  
  
The furious look on Spike's face was priceless. For the simple reason to infuriate and annoy him even further she looked him up and down in her most arrogant and condescending way.  
  
But deep down she thought that he looked incredibly handsome and sexy. Normally, the bad boy look would not make her swoon but it was all different with Spike. Although she hated his arrogance and huge self esteem she could not help feeling immensely attracted to him for the same reasons she despised him for.  
  
Enraged by Buffy's disdainful expression Spike attacked her intend on causing her to lose her balance. But Buffy saw his offense coming and stepped with little effort out of the way.  
  
Spike stumbled and fell onto the ground. A sequence of vulgar curses came out of his mouth. He immediately jumped back onto his feet glaring hatefully at Buffy who could not stop laughing.  
  
"Bitch.", he sneered, "You are going to regret this."  
  
"You should have seen yourself! You should see your face!", Buffy giggled. "The "big bad" can't even charge at the slayer without tripping and falling on his arse!"  
  
She could no longer control herself. The giggles would not stop but every time she tried to calm down she started laughing again.  
  
Spike saw his chance and took advantage of her debilitated state punching her into the face. She stumbled backwards, too surprised to react to his attack.  
  
But she recovered very quickly from his punch and now Buffy was the one who charged at Spike. Spike welcomed her sudden violent outburst and counterattacked.  
  
The mortal enemies engaged in a fight that no-one was winning. Their strength was about equal but the real reason why nobody was winning was that neither of them wanted to win. Subconsciously, they did not even want to fight but were simply doing it out of pure obligation. Both Buffy and Spike were afraid of what they would be compelled to do if one of them won the fight.  
  
Buffy and Spike were fighting for about an hour in the middle of the street. But this part of Sunnydale was dead at this time of the night and not a single car or person passed by witnessing the fight.  
  
They were so engaged in exchanging blows that they did not hear the car that was approaching at high speed.  
  
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The rough surface of the wall Spike had thrown Buffy into was bruising her back. Her head was still ringing from when it had hit the wall. A small nail that had stuck out of the brickwork had pierced her new top and scraped her skin. The fight was depleting all her energy. Trying to stay upright she pushed herself away from the wall and gingerly felt her wound. It seemed to be only a superficial scratch but nevertheless it was hurting like hell.  
  
For neither of them the fight was going very well. A wave of dizziness washed over Buffy. She tried to stay upright and focus, knowing very well that she would be as good as dead should she now lose consciousness.  
  
Spike was standing sideways in the middle of the road glaring at her, waiting for her to make a move. Only now Buffy noticed that he was in full game face. She could not remember when he had changed during their fight. Although he looked truly frightening she could tell that he too was probably as exhausted as she was.  
  
He was snarling at her, showing off his sharp fangs, his demonic eyes gleaming dangerously. His pale visage and white hair reflected the moonlight giving him a supernatural glow. To anybody else Spike would have looked like the demon he was; a creature that was not from this world, otherworldly strong and incredibly dangerous. But Buffy saw that she had weakened him a lot. Blood was flowing down the left side of his face from a large gash at his temple. He also seemed to have serious problems standing upright. Desperately trying to keep his balance he was swaying back and forth while trying to focus on Buffy.  
  
The sight of a worn out Spike lightened Buffy's mood. At least she was not the only one who felt beaten.  
  
They continued staring at each other, neither feeling well enough to attack the other. Neither Buffy nor Spike had enough strength left to pay attention to their surroundings and also concentrate on the next assault from their respective adversary. All that mattered was the other person. Losing concentration would mean defeat and ultimately death.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity Buffy heard all of a sudden the sound of a car engine. She turned her head and saw a swerving car approaching Spike at a very high-speed. The car's headlights were not switched on and she could only guess from the way the driver was handling the car that he was either drunk or high on some kind of other drugs.  
  
As Spike did not seem to notice the car Buffy screamed frantically: "Spike! Get out of the way!"  
  
Spike did not react fast enough to her screams. The driver of the vehicle did not seem to notice anybody standing in the middle of the road as the car continued on its path and even accelerated. The sound of the engine was getting louder and louder.  
  
Buffy panicked and rushed over to Spike pushing him just in time out of the car's reach.  
  
With a loud thud Spike's back connected with the solid pavement on the other side of the road. He groaned and looked up at Buffy who had landed on top of him.  
  
Neither of them moved. Buffy looked into his now azure eyes that gazed at her with an expression of complete surprise and confusion.  
  
She could not believe what she had just done. She had saved him. Letting him get run over by the car would have solved all her problems. He would have certainly been hurt enough to be incapable to fight and then she could have staked him. Easy. Problem solved. One crazy serial killer less. But no. She had to save him. Her reaction had been purely out of instinct. She had felt like she could not let him die. Oh god!  
  
Spike could not believe that Buffy had saved him. And by the looks of it she could not believe it either. He did not dare to move. One move and their closeness would be destroyed. It felt nice to hold her warm body in his arms. He wished it would never end and wondered what it would be like to be able to hold her any time he liked. Having such thoughts about the slayer shocked him to the core. She was his mortal enemy, not his soul mate for fuck's sake! Having any kind of feelings for her was just completely wrong!  
  
Buffy did not understand the world anymore. Here she was, lying in her enemy's arms and actually enjoying his embrace. The exhaustion must have messed up her brain. His face was so close to hers. Actually it now seemed even closer than it had a minute ago. Was she inching in on him? Or he on her?  
  
His mouth was practically on hers; the space separating his from hers was so minimal that she could feel tiny electric sparks jumping between their lips. It was as if she could already sense traces of the touch that was about to come.  
  
And there it was. She had admitted it. They were going to kiss again and they both wanted it. He too had leaned in for the kiss. Even now that she realized what was about to happen she had no intention of stopping it. She wanted it. She wanted him.  
  
His lips were soft. Everything around her lost its meaning. The only important thing was Spike. This time the kiss felt even better than the last time. People always say that the first kiss is the best one but she had to disagree. His kisses seemed to get better. Their first one had been demonic and passionate. The second one had been a lot more human and loving. But this one was a combination of the first two. It was so passionate but yet at the same time full of feelings. Maybe she just imagined them to get better because each time they kissed was even more forbidden than the time before. One slip-up was bad enough. Two were even worse. But the more they kissed the more they got into trouble. What they did was forbidden but maybe that was why it just got better.  
  
Spike felt himself get hard and slipped one hand under Buffy's shirt caressing the small of her back slowly working his way towards her breasts.  
  
She felt his excitement and mewled slightly pressing herself onto him. Their kiss intensified and Spike finally dared to stroke her breast.  
  
But suddenly Buffy broke the kiss and stared full of shock into his blue eyes that were clouded with lust. She was panting slightly and felt ashamed of what she had just done. Nevertheless, she did not move off Spike not feeling ready what would happen when they lost this intense intimacy.  
  
Spike did not understand what was happening. He wanted her so badly. But the strangest thing was that he did not only want to shag her and then rip her throat out, he actually wanted to be with her. What was wrong with him? And the Slayer, well, he knew that she wanted him as badly as he wanted her. He could smell the sweet aroma of her arousal and it turned him on even more. Why had she stopped?  
  
He knew the reason. It was wrong. Why was she just so goody-good? He was not going to tell anybody. Well, actually, fucking the Slayer was something a demon could brag about. But then again, he did not just want to fuck her. He wanted her.  
  
She was the first one to break the silence. "What is going on Spike? Why are we doing this? I, I, I don't.", she trailed off.  
  
"I don't understand it either pet. I don't know what's going on. All I know is that I can't stop thinking of you. I had the chance to kill you the other day. I couldn't do it. What is this? Why do I feel this way?", Spike blurted out.  
  
Buffy got off him and sat down next to him: "I have to get this, us out of my system. I mean, there is no "us". That is the problem."  
  
"You want there to be an "us"?", Spike wondered.  
  
"NO", Buffy yelped, "I want the opposite. I want my life back. At least the life I had before. When everything was defined. Me Slayer, you vampire. You are a fiend from hell and I slay monsters like you. No strange feelings involved. Got it?"  
  
"Sure Slayer.", Spike replied. It was as if she had punched him with her words. She thought of him as a "fiend from hell". Well, technically he was, but since they had just made out "fiend from hell" was not something he wanted to hear from her at that moment.  
  
"How about a time-out?", he asked.  
  
Buffy looked at him somewhat puzzled: "What do you mean with time-out? If you are implying that we should have sex right here, right now, and afterwards go back to killing each other, then you are out of your mind. What do you think I am? A whore?"  
  
Although he would not have objected to a shag, it was not what he had thought of. "Actually, Slayer, I was thinking of a date.", Spike told her.  
  
"A date? You are out of your mind! I so cannot be seen with you. And anyway, it will just be a trap knowing you.", Buffy exclaimed.  
  
Spike felt incredibly stupid. Why in the world had he suggested a date? Why could he not shut his trap before saying something that ridiculous?  
  
"Well, whatever Slayer. Suit yourself. You wanna go on fighting? I'm all up for it." With these words Spike tried to stand up, nearly collapsing again as the world started spinning around him. Leaning against a wall for some support he glared at Buffy who he expected to be enjoying his obvious discomfort.  
  
But Buffy simply looked sadly at him and unexpectedly agreed: "Ok, let's go on a date. For the time of the date we will not try to kill, harm or trick each other. We will get whatever this is out of our system so we can go back to killing each other. But there is one condition. We are not meeting in Sunnydale. I don't want anybody to see me with you. Deal?"  
  
Buffy could not believe her eyes. Spike smiled at her. It was a genuine smile and not his usual smirk. It lit up his whole face and perfected the deception that his human mask tried to achieve.  
  
"Deal.", he replied and shook her outstretched hand. 


End file.
